Breaking up with the audience

Part I  The film opens with a short imperfect animation. The second shot is of a woman sitting in a window frame, she looks mysterious, and beautiful, and the lighting makes her look almost non-human. Like a doll with no personality, she looks out the window and performs for an audience. Similar to the woman in the film I struggled with the idea of letting my personality show on screen. I have in some way, or other always strived to please the people around me. Hearing my classmate's more male-catered ideas, about blood, drugs, and horror, did not ease my thoughts either. The combination of self-doubt and being surrounded by ideas so different from my own killed not only my excitement for the task but also my excitement for the artistic process behind the film. I created scripts I thought other people wanted to watch on screen, not scripts I liked.   

Part II  The second part of the film opens with a shot of the woman unable to light the cigarette she desperately wants. An extreme closeup of her looking directly into the camera makes her break the fourth wall, telling the audience that she knows she is just there to perform. From the outside, the audience is invited to watch and judge. If you look closer, this is also the scene where the woman first shows signs of her personality on screen.   In this scene, I wanted to show that in the same way some people can let such a small thing as a cigarette control their life, some people can let the opinions of others control theirs. Crushing the cigarette between her teeth symbolizes the way I, as an artist, want to crush other people's opinions about how my art should look. It was uncomfortable and unexpected, just like my own artistic journey.    

Part III  The film ends with the woman going inside and blowing out a lit candle. She let the audience know that it was her choice to eat the cigarette not the other way around.  It was her way of taking back power and control. Breaking the view of her being only a pretty woman, with no thoughts of her own, put on display for society to judge.  The ending mirrors my personal journey this semester. I could have made a film for the audience, but by doing so I would have lost my spark. I had to take control and show myself that I could create art with intention without being ashamed of it.       

Through the making of “Røyg Damå” I have come to the realization that my art is not meant to appeal to everyone.  My art is a way to explore my mind and what appeals to me. The element of the film is not only a reflection of how I learn to trust myself as a filmmaker, but also as young woman learning to trust herself.   In the future, I have learned that to be a true artist you have to go through an endless cycle of breaking free from your own doubts. Just as the woman in my film chooses to take back her power, I am learning to take control over my artistic process.  

I have not only learned how to make an MOS. I have learned that making a film is not about pleasing the audience –it is about the courage to be vulnerable and to trust yourself in the process.